Fairies have to be one thing or the other, because being so small they unfortunately have room for one feeling only at a time. – James M. Barrie
Facing the future, I often feel like a fairy that switches between evil and good in a split second. Lately A and I have been thrown into a never ending merry-go-round of uncertainty, when it comes to job security, education and where we will make a living. Whenever it seems as the merry-go-round is about to stop, it turns around, doubling in speed and go the other way, and I am preconditioned to motion sickness.
The switch between awe and euw gets turned on and off ever so often and you are stuck in between, your finger always resting on that switch, seeing whatever comes next. But I don’t think A and I are alone in this, I am sure, that at one point or another, we all feel like that, like we only have room for one feeling. And we are torn, wondering what to do, like Dr. Jekyll we strive for ingenuity and yet, like Mr. Hyde, only our ugly side shows our true colors.
Anxiety issues, sleep deprivation, craving for really bad food, lack of energy, lack of relaxation and an ocean full of to-dos that seem like they will never get done, that is what it feels like. But when it comes to your future, you owe it to yourself and to the people that stand beside you, supporting your every move, to follow through. You can’t just give up because it seems inconvenient and difficult, that’s what life is made out of: discomfort and bad timing, that’s why life is so awesome.
Don’t get me wrong, all this uncertainty, anticipating change but not knowing what kind of changes are about to come and what consequences they bring with them, it leads to many sleepless nights and arguments and fears, because sometimes you cannot help it but to fear for your existence. But in times like these, it is important to understand, that although you feel drained out of your energy reserves, better times will come. And when everything feels like you want to give up and give in and just let the evil take over, that’s exactly when you have to stay strongest and let the good fight.
I know, life is not quite that simple, if it were, we wouldn’t have to deal with a bunch of bs we deal with daily, but by making it so simple, you allow yourself to understand. You allow yourself to see things from different perspectives and maybe gain respect for the evil as well as for the good. And maybe then you can dust off the pixie dust from your shoulders, get on your two feet and keep going. Because after all, that’s what makes life so great, being able to move on from bad experiences, enjoying good experiences and reading books about single-feeling-fairies and double-faced tortured doctors.