The demons we fight.

We all have our battles to fight, we all have our dark demons that haunt us at night. For some of us it might be something as simple as the snooze button every morning. Only five more minutes. And maybe five more… For others it’s a bit more complicated, when five more minutes make no difference at all. It’s like a dark cloud that doesn’t leave, it just sits there in the back of one’s mind. But instead of washing away the darkness, it feels like a little room being flooded with no escape and one cannot leave, no matter how desperately one wants to. There is no window, no door, no way out. The air closing in, but no last breath. Ever so slowly the realization sets in, there is no ending to this.

We don’t talk about mental health often enough. What ever is going on in our mind, we like to keep it locked up, like a secret, after all, our mind is the only thing, that we really have, if you strip away all earthy belongings. And when you feel like you are losing control of what is going on in your mind, the world might seem like a very dark place. In those moments, it might seem like you lost all connection to the world. It might seem like you are in a room full of people and screaming desperately for help, but they don’t hear you and what’s even worse, you can’t hear them. They cannot get to you, no matter how hard they try.

Sadly, we tend to dismiss these feelings. We brush them off, as “having a bad day”, or “feeling funny”, but it’s much more than that, because you cannot escape that bad day, you cannot flea the funny feeling. It just sits there and messes with you in horrible ways, where the simplest activity might seem like you have to walk a million miles while being chained to a castle of your personal nightmares. The worst part is, there is simply no end to this. Some days might be easier, but the majority of the days are drowned in darkness. We all know someone like that, maybe we are that someone.

Even, or rather especially, in these moments it’s the small things that count. Like having coffee with someone you haven’t seen forever, or taking a long deserved break and just drive anywhere your heart desires, or maybe fulfilling a life goal or having candy for dinner. These things matter, because they are the small bits one can cling to, when it seems like one is losing control. Don’t lose hope, there is help! There is always help, it might be difficult to accept help, but you are not alone in this! Be kind to yourself! Don’t think you have to battle the nightmares on your own, there are strong fighters on your side, they might be unexpected faces, but they are there! And most importantly, know that you are heard, loud and clear. And you are loved. Always and forever.