No regrets

If you throw a stone into a body of water, it’ll create ripples with far reaching effects. Also, if you put an object into a glass filled with liquid, the object will displace the liquid. – So, no matter what you do with water, most likely you will notice some sort of change. And if one thing is for certain in life, there will always be change. Nothing is permanent. Well unless the few extra pounds on my hips, they seem to be a steady companion, but that’s a different story.

This week I am turning 31, you know what that means? I’m officially in my thirties… When I turned 30, I just turned 30 – that’s what I would tell people when they asked my age. But now, now I’m in my thirties. You know what people tell me the thirties are for? The height of career, the essence of family life, the endless pain of keeping up with the neighborhood (bigger house, bigger mortgage, bigger car), the necessity of always having the newest of everything… If you ask me, that’s a lot of pressure and huge expectations on the next 9 years of my life.

I could very easily fall into desperation of all the things I don’t have and most likely won’t have for a very long time (or ever) and yet, I’m bursting with excitement, filled with happiness beyond words, and anticipation of a future written in the stars. I may never own a house (and thus no mortgage, one can hope???). I may never own a bigger car (and really, my little Rey – Toyota Yaris is all I can handle). I may never have a certain pathway for my career, nor may I ever have a job that I’ll keep for the rest of my life (unless there is a bizarre twisted event that may change everything, but that’s a different story…). I simply may not have a life like anyone else in my (probably semi permanent) neighborhood.

But what I do have, are memories of a lifetime lived. They say that having regrets is a good thing, because it makes you take stock of your life and reevaluate your decisions. But I don’t have regrets (at least not until now), because I always give it my all, to the point where you may question my sanity. I have loads of scars, wounds, chips on my shoulder, bruises, and other proofs of me living a full life, but really, no regrets.

I’ll tell you this though, when I was younger, I always thought I may have a nice little house, with a perfect garden, perfect white fence, perfect life with a perfect husband (let’s face it, my husband is already perfect for me). I thought by now I’d have children (plural), and a good solid job (nowhere near that one), and anything else that screams adult. Instead, I am living a life like a ripple created by someone throwing a stone into the water…

So yes, I’ll be 31 this week. I may not look 31 and certainly don’t act 31 (whatever that looks like) but I’ll be turning 31 and if it wouldn’t have been for my parents taking me to the beach when I was just 6, I don’t know if my life, 25 years later would be anything like it is now.

The ripples of that first time when I dipped my toes in the cold blue, grew larger and more forceful with age. My thinking may have evolved but deep within, I’m still that young kid whose favorite thing is wadding along the shore line.

The moral of this is, you never know which event in your life may displace other things within you. Sometimes we are fortunate and can actually witness the change, most likely we will just notice the aftermath, but be that as it may, life is beautiful and gorgeous and incredibly unique. So find your ripple, find your beauty, find your love. And no regrets.

Cork harbour

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