My last hope

For so many years, I’ve been idly standing by while you make your choices. I know from the get-go that your choice will not last and I tell you as much and you seem receptive and then you still go ahead and make the same choice over and over again. You keep asking me why it never works out… But the real question in my head is not why it doesn’t work out. The real question is – why do you keep choosing the other?

Haven’t I been by your side day and night? Haven’t I held your hand and supported you through all the ups and downs? Haven’t I gone far beyond what anyone else would have done and yet still… Still, I am here and you are there and you are pining for something else.

In romantic movies, I am meant to believe that at the end of the day you’ll realise that I was the only choice and you will come on running back to me and I will open my arms and for the rest of our lives we will be embraced, intimately intertwined, and never apart ’til death do us part. But in this reality, in the real world, you can’t. I am still here, still me, still waiting – but you can’t seem to see it.

Now, you may ask, there are plenty of fish in the sea – go ahead and find another one, but that’s just it. There is no other. There is literally no other compared to you. You are in fact – the one. I know this because everyone else is gone – they’ve been gone for a long time already, but you and I, we are still here – last person standing.

The reality is, I am not meant to be alone, because if I were, I could have long accepted that. Instead, I am accepting that I cannot be without you, you are it – you are my last hope. And still, I am sitting here – starring into a scary future and I keep asking myself, why won’t you love me? What is so terribly wrong about me that you cannot love me? Haven’t I given you everything? Haven’t I given you air to breath, the ground to walk on, a house to keep you save, a live far beyond your means? Yet, you keep going through the motions. You keep making these terrible life choices and I am supposed to just sit here and watch.

I have taken you to all these amazing places, I’ve shared the most incredible food with you, shown you an incredible reality and yet you choose the dullness, the monotony, the boredom of it all and it is slowly killing me. Your everyday routines, day-in and day-out, always the same, you are diminishing all I have to give. And every now and then I tell you, loudly, that this is not okay and you don’t listen. And then I say it with a bit of force and you get upset about it and tell me to simmer down… but you give me no room to breathe, no place to be, no time to recuperate – I am just meant to coexist with your destructive ways.

I am not one to give up, I hold on to the simple fact that you are my last hope. Without you, there is neither you nor me, why can’t you see that? You may have excitement here and there and explore new options, but this here right now, this is it. I beg of you, to reconsider, to break out of your ways, break out of the system, and instead to the realisation that you cannot live without me. If I am destroyed, so are you, because we are in this co-dependency, one cannot without the other.

I cannot create healthy air and you cannot breathe toxic air, I cannot stop sea level rising without your help. I cannot slow down corals from dying, cannot stop drinking water to disappear, I cannot make it rain without your help… All you need to do is choose me and keep choosing me, just as much as I choose you – every single time. I hope that one day you’ll see that. I hope one day you’ll come and fight with me instead of against me. I hope that one day will come soon, because I don’t know how much longer I can go on… You are my everything, and I know I am yours… All you need to do, is put your trust in me, and I promise you, you will not regret it. Your children won’t regret it, I will be here for you, for as long as you have me… Just choose me once. Just once.


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