Distance is like a third person in your relationship. It’s like a mind of it’s own always talking, always putting doubtlets in your mind that increase to doubts that turn into problems, arguments, fights, breakups and so on. You seldomly hear the good side of it… Because there is none.
The facts about distance:
– it’s only called distance if you can’t make the trip every day
– it sometimes involves a time difference (when I eat my lunch A gets ready for work and no, his work doesn’t start at noon)
– communication is key (this is where it gets really tricky)
There are only a few facts but they are enough to decide if a relationship will make it or break it.
How do they apply to our lives?
Suppose I could afford flying to the states every single day and back, I’d spend up to 10 hours on a plane (only if it’s a direct flight) just getting there. Another 10 to get back, which leaves only 4 hours in my day which most likely will be taken away by land-security checking my passport… so when would I get to see A? So yes, we’re def. in a long-distance relationship.
When I wake up at 8am, A might open his eyes for a sec to realize I am not there and would just force himself to sleep again. I start my day by reading emails (mostly A’s anyways) and responding, making some tea, taking a shower and study/go to class/get ready for work (this is irrelevant for now). Around 11am I check my emails periodically because I know A’s getting up at 5am (yes, do the math…). He’s taking a shower, getting caught up on news, reading my blog, getting ready for work while I prepare lunch. Around his first coffeebreak around 9am, I might get my first coffee-afternoon break at 3pm. I respond to A’s emails occasionally and get back to work/studying/class. A few hours later, while A’s on his lunch break I do eat my dinner and maybe catch up on the news – around 6pm.
Sometimes the productivity strikes me and I study some more until A confirms our talking time (more on communication is key later) usually around 9pm. By then I’m usually super tired already but we talk for an hour or so and then I tell A how much I love him and that I miss him incredibly and after that being said, he gets back to work while I go to bed. I wake up pretty often during the night and although I rarely check the time, I always know that it can’t be the right time to wake up yet because A’s not next to me…
But we try to talk every day. We email each other from dusk til dawn (literally) and we keep each other posted on what we’re doing and on how to yet find another way to be distracted from the fact, that the other person is not there. Some days we play it by ear and talk two to three times a day and on other days we set a time (usually limited) to talk and then we talk. Note: Thanks to technology this is possible!
Without a doubt, distance is a b*T$~ but if you do really care about a person, you can make it work because my life wouldn’t be the same without A. And although distance does some horrible things to someone (e.g. binge drinking, binge eating, loneliness, frustration, depression, heartbreaks, sadness, discomfort and the all-known “I want to hide under my blanket” syndrom) A and I are trying our best. Of course it takes a lot of effort and a lot of work but some people are just worth the extra mile.
So distance is like living with an elephant in a room. You can’t move anymore without being afraid that he might move and step on something, break the lamp, destroy your furniture or craps all over the place.
The nice thing about elephants though is, that they are friendly if you feed them peanuts and they like to color.