The constant in my life.

Staying positive is difficult. No matter how good the cause, I guarantee you, one cannot always stay positive. Not you and not me.

For the past several weeks I felt gloomy, maybe even defeated. I buried myself in work and school and volunteering and yet I still had enough time to feel a bit out of it. I caught myself asking, “Why am I doing this? Why care? Why even try?” And truth to be told, there is no answer to this, no satisfying answer anyways.

I got more and more agitated, irritated and just generally not much fun to be around. When you are in the weeds it’s difficult to take a step back and look at the bigger picture. So last night I laid wide awake questioning anything from the color blue to microbiology. I scrolled through all pictures in my phone’s gallery and remembered all the places I’ve been the last few years and I felt a sense of relief.

Through all ups and downs in the past few years I had a constant. Someone that stayed with me through tiredness, restlessness and anything in between. Sadly, sometimes we take the little things for granted and forget what is important.

A and J at Preikestolen, Stavanger, Norway, May 2015

A and J at Preikestolen, Stavanger, Norway, May 2015

A and J in Lijiang at Diamon Lake, China,  January 2015

A and J in Lijiang at Diamon Lake, China, January 2015

A and J at the Tiger Leaping Gorge, China, January 2015

A and J at the Tiger Leaping Gorge, China, January 2015

A and J in Beijing at the Great Wall, China, January 2015

A and J in Beijing at the Great Wall, China, January 2015

A and J in Hong Kong, December 2015

A and J in Hong Kong, December 2014

A and J in NYC, USA, July 2009

A and J in NYC, USA, July 2009

A and J in Reykjavik, Iceland, July 2014

A and J in Reykjavik, Iceland, July 2014

After months of struggling with myself if any of this was worth it, working myself as if there was no tomorrow, I woke up refreshed and excited today. I felt revitalized and energized, ready to tackle the next big thing, what ever that may be.

I guess, what I’m trying to say is, that sometimes it will be difficult and life can throw more than one curve ball at a time but it’s all worth it if you every now and then take a little break and remind yourself of why you are doing this. For me, I needed to be reminded that when A and I first got together he changed my life tremendously. I remember clearly thinking to myself, if one person can change my life the way A did, maybe I can change other people’s lives. Maybe I can help and improve and change even the smallest of things and if only one person benefited from this, that’s all that mattered.

With this I will get back to studying and working and volunteering… And if I ever get lost again, I know I just need to look next to me and see my constant.

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