The constant in my life.

Staying positive is difficult. No matter how good the cause, I guarantee you, one cannot always stay positive. Not you and not me.

For the past several weeks I felt gloomy, maybe even defeated. I buried myself in work and school and volunteering and yet I still had enough time to feel a bit out of it. I caught myself asking, “Why am I doing this? Why care? Why even try?” And truth to be told, there is no answer to this, no satisfying answer anyways.

I got more and more agitated, irritated and just generally not much fun to be around. When you are in the weeds it’s difficult to take a step back and look at the bigger picture. So last night I laid wide awake questioning anything from the color blue to microbiology. I scrolled through all pictures in my phone’s gallery and remembered all the places I’ve been the last few years and I felt a sense of relief.

Through all ups and downs in the past few years I had a constant. Someone that stayed with me through tiredness, restlessness and anything in between. Sadly, sometimes we take the little things for granted and forget what is important.

After months of struggling with myself if any of this was worth it, working myself as if there was no tomorrow, I woke up refreshed and excited today. I felt revitalized and energized, ready to tackle the next big thing, what ever that may be.

I guess, what I’m trying to say is, that sometimes it will be difficult and life can throw more than one curve ball at a time but it’s all worth it if you every now and then take a little break and remind yourself of why you are doing this. For me, I needed to be reminded that when A and I first got together he changed my life tremendously. I remember clearly thinking to myself, if one person can change my life the way A did, maybe I can change other people’s lives. Maybe I can help and improve and change even the smallest of things and if only one person benefited from this, that’s all that mattered.

With this I will get back to studying and working and volunteering… And if I ever get lost again, I know I just need to look next to me and see my constant.