The Water’s Surface. – A poem

Like a phoenix - that's how you want to soar.
High above the clouds.
High above anyone. High above anything.
But I am here, gravity pulling me down into the darkness, shackles slowly tearing me down.
Where have you been? Where have you gone? Where are you now?
I hear myself calling for you in the darkest corners of my mind. But the echo dies every single time, as if I was drowning and water is slowly filling my lungs.
I am scared. I think.
I think, I won't get out of this.
I think, therefore I am hurting.

I am afraid of giving in - because giving in means giving up. I think. So I kick and I thrash, hoping for quick relief.
But slowly, I resign - I resign to this feeling. This helplessness, this loneliness, this pain.
And I think this is it. I think we've done it this time. I think I should just let it go. Let it be. Move on. Go. Leave. Alone. Away.

Then everything becomes still. Silent. All I hear is my heart beat in my ears. I feel your heart beat through me. Then a deep breath. Gasping for air. And I think panic will rise.
But it never comes.
I think I will fall, awake from a nightmare.
But it never comes.
I think I will disintegrate. Cease to exist.
But it never comes.
Instead - I feel my finger tips, I feel my toes, I feel blood racing through my veins. My instinct is kicking in. And in that I find the stillness to see it clearly now.

You are my world. You are my life. You are the thing that makes me go any which direction. And when I think I am lonely - I see you, I see us, I see a life that only you and I could have created. I see a future. A bright world that is filled with all the colours that I could never create on my own.
So I slowly swim to the surface. As I break the water's edge I see the sun filtering through in all it's colours, glittering through the water and I can feel bubbles surround me, I can feel the warmth of you.

I live to fight another day. Because you are you and I am me and together we can do anything, if we choose to do so.

I will always choose you. Every time. Because you are life.