…my mantra.

Our very first goodbye. Our first being apart and trying to pull through an hour, a day, a week, a month… several months. A became my hero, he comforted me, he told me everything would be alright and although you don’t believe it when your friends tell you that, you do believe it when your best friend says it.

We tried to enjoy every minute together but sometimes it became too real and all we could do then was trying to be strong and if that didn’t work there was always ice cream, cookies, chocolate… you name it.

When they called for boarding my heart was aching bad. It was the kind of pain you know you can’t do anything about. I was the last one to board and I did think about leaving the airport several times, I did think about turning around and going back home. It felt wrong to leave, it felt wrong to leave A behind and it felt wrong to go back to the old only to one day hopefully be able to start something new with the one.

It was weird and confusing but I did somehow manage my way into the aircraft and I did debate several times to just get up and leave before the plane could pull away from the gate – I didn’t though.

It took several weeks to get used to “home” again, get used to the food, customs, daily routine. However I did not get used to not having A around all the time and it made me nervous and anxious and sad. I can’t tell you how many days I just didn’t want to get up, how many days I just wanted to stay in bed and hide.

But A guided me through this rough time. He sent me letters and pictures and care packages but most of all he sent me all his love and devotion. He sent me goodwill and he helped me through this difficult time. He was there – not physically but mentally and he showed it every single minute apart.

They say that the distance will make you or break you and that the likelihood of you staying together is very minimal. They say that they wish you the best but your chances are not very good. They say that eventually you will realize that this is more than you can handle and that eventually you will have the talk. They pity you because they think that they have seen it all already and they have not witnessed a couple staying together with having an ocean between them.

Let me tell you, we made it so long and we will pull through to the very end, not only to proof you wrong but because my life won’t be the same without A anymore. He is my hero, my care package provider, my happiness but most of all he is the love of my life and how can we not stay together? It’s just not an option…