Jessy was my whole life. I never knew anything different than Jessy. That’s what my parents called me, that’s what my family and friends called me, that’s how I wrote my own name, that’s who I was. Jessy. With a Y. But one day, there was no Y anymore. I’d like to say it happened... Continue Reading →
A distraught heart
As I lay awake at night, breathing heavy, I catch a glimpse of the night sky and my mind starts to wander. They say to keep sorrow for the daylight – what a thing to say but it’s true, the world feels less heavy when there’s a buzz of daily routines around. I tend to... Continue Reading →
Step away with me. Talk to me. Just a word. A whisper. A word. Anything. Just step away with me. Try to see it through my eyes. As is. Not as you want it to be. Just look. Take your eyes away from whatever imaginary fairy tale you concocted. Step away. Just for a moment... Continue Reading →
The other day, for the first time in a very long time I was able to breathe freely. Exhale and inhale without any heavy burden on my shoulders. Stretching, like a sun-flower, towards the sun and water at the same time, just unleashing all the aches and pains that have troubled me for much longer... Continue Reading →
All I ever wanted was to be a writer, but lately words don't come easy. I knew I wanted to write the second I learnt how to read. Books were my escape, even at a young age - I loved the idea of creating a magical space and time where people like me could just... Continue Reading →
*The word mensch in German means person/human (nothing more and nothing less). It is often used in Yiddish to describe a person of honor, integrity, and having a good character. I don't think it's weird that I am up at 5am-ish every day. I also don't think it's weird that I am out the door... Continue Reading →
When I was younger my dad would drive us around, the entire family - I have no idea why we always seemed to be in the car, but I have so many memories of sitting in the backseat with my parents sitting in the front conversing about anything. My mom would sit next to my... Continue Reading →
Side note: Glasklar is a German expression which means that something is as clear as glass, it's easy to understand and see-through and evident and does not require any further explanation. I just had a full-blown mental breakdown (or as much of a breakdown as people like me will be able to experience one). If... Continue Reading →
Never have I had…
I've been trying to formulate these words for days now, yet they would just not come out right and really - in the current global situation, are there even 'right' words? Probably not. I'll try anyways. When I was younger, I was fearless to a point of no return. I just did not know what... Continue Reading →
This project of mine.
Lately, I've been struggling with what will become of me when I grow up. I'm 32, I don't own anything that really is mine other than a windowsill of succulents and a very soft blankets that gives me more comfort than I care to admit, I don't live with my husband which, believe it or... Continue Reading →
The missing piece
Twelve years ago, by chance, I discovered Shel Silverstein's 'The missing piece'. I gravitated towards the simplicity of it, a few lines, a few words, a whole new way of describing the most basic principles of what it means to be human in a world where everyone tells you that you're never enough. If you... Continue Reading →
I have been contemplating what to write for the past two months - not for the lack of things happening, if anything there would be so much to tell, but honestly between work, workouts, and questionable work-life balance, I have no idea how to form any words beyond my usual everyday jibberish. So, as it's... Continue Reading →
My inbox full of rejection
Few things in life come easy to me. I'd almost argue even the opposite, that compared to the average person everything feels twice as difficult for me. Anything, I will immediately fail at and no matter how often you explain anything from how to cook a simple meal to how to determine the differences in... Continue Reading →
They say the first step of recovery is realizing that you have a problem. I have an immense problem and it's that not more people love the ocean as much as I do, it's a real struggle and painful to see how little knowledge people have about our most important life-line. I've always been incredibly... Continue Reading →
When I was younger I felt invisible in every way possible. I'd say part of it was my upbringing and part of it was my personality. While I'm very sociable, I never enjoyed meeting people until I was able to do smalltalk, which to this day still always end in mind-numbing silence two sentences into... Continue Reading →
The stories we tell ourselves
Humans are excellent storytellers, we fabricate ideas, formulate story lines, interpret and analyze every little detail, of what ever is happening before our eyes just to make sense of it in our the picture of the world we create for ourselves. To date, I am not aware of any other species that does this, so... Continue Reading →
My magical universe
Who says you have to travel far and wide to see all the magic that this world has to offer? The truth is you don't, you just need to know where to look or rather you just need to be ready when it magically appears. It may be over in a blink of an eye,... Continue Reading →
I sometimes forget that not everyone gets the chance to experience the things that I am fortunate enough to experience. I keep telling myself (and anyone who asks) that everything I do, everyone else can do to. And while that is true in theory, I know that in practice that this is not true. So,... Continue Reading →
I went diving for the first time ever in the cold Irish waters, it was a very secluded spot, very quiet, very calm, and not very deep. The perfect spot for a nervous beginner such as myself. It took forever to weigh me down, because I am a floater, but eventually we got me down... Continue Reading →
They say the beginning is always a good place to start telling a story. Most stories, however, don't have one distinctive moment where they start. Most beginnings are creeping in, it's when you're nearing the end, that you're realizing that something has begun. If I had to pinpoint the date, I'd say my journey started... Continue Reading →
My caged elephant.
Recently I've been reminded that relationships take a lot of work. Sweating-bullets kind of work, where you could be working relentlessly for what seems like an eternity and still are getting nowhere. Most relationships aren't like that, in fact, I'd even say, most relationships are the opposite of that. We ignore a lot of red... Continue Reading →
If you throw a stone into a body of water, it'll create ripples with far reaching effects. Also, if you put an object into a glass filled with liquid, the object will displace the liquid. - So, no matter what you do with water, most likely you will notice some sort of change. And if... Continue Reading →
The golden rule in scuba diving is to always breathe or rather not to ever stop breathing. If you ask me, this is a pretty good rule in life regardless of your environment. In recent months, however, I found it increasingly more difficult to just breathe. It's such a minor thing, really, you don't even... Continue Reading →
My walls of accomplishments
From a very young age the one thing I could not stand where empty walls. I guess it was my parents really, that inflicted that onto me, I remember this picture of a large ever-green tree in the hallway whenever I'd close the front door. My parents had beautifully drawn people, hands, and - oddly... Continue Reading →
The Irish Wink
I remember the very first time someone winked at me like it was yesterday. I was much (much) younger, in a very different place (mentally and physically), no idea of the bright future that was yet to come. It was late on a Saturday night, I was at a discotheque with my friends, and there... Continue Reading →
It seems just like yesterday when I sat in my new home, wondering if I was really going to be able to do all of this. Wondering if I could handle my workload, living in a new country, taking care of myself (i.e. cooking for myself!) all starting now. I wondered if all of this... Continue Reading →
The crumbs of life
This past week has been a new level of everything in the most awesomest and most exhausting ways. I am soooo tired, like ridiculously tired, as in, I'd like for time to stop for a week straight just so I could sleep without skipping a beat. I'm not complaining (well, maybe I'm a little) but... Continue Reading →
Dry suit it up!
Putting on a dry suit was among the most physically uncomfortable situations I've ever been in. Compared to a wet suit, you put on a dry suit to stay dry (naturally!), which is especially important when you're in cold water where you're otherwise running the risk of getting hypothermia. A dry suit is quite heavy... Continue Reading →
When I got to Ireland, I needed something to distract me from the journey that got me to moving to Ireland and from what yet lies ahead (bear with me, this makes more sense in a minute or two), so I looked through my landlord's bookcase and found Roald Dahl's Matilda. If you're not familiar... Continue Reading →
Occupation: Read and Write
It's odd really, words are so powerful when spoken, but I believe that they're even more powerful when written. Written words can mess with your brain, because you read into them whatever emotion you want them to have. If you're feeling happy, whatever words you may read may be happy words, if you're mysterious, that's the meaning they will carry. Simple as that. Written words where my escape and my sanctuary at the same time. So it may not come as a surprise that all I ever wanted out of a career was being able to read and write.
My glorious sun
I've watched the talented Mr. Ripley about a million and a half times in the past almost twenty years since it came out in 1999 (I added this last part of information just to make you feel old). The story never changes but it's an incredible one. Man from lower middle class (Tom Ripley played... Continue Reading →
Recently I had a very interesting Skype call, a blast from the past and a look into the future, all at once. It was a gentle reminder with a nervous energy and suddenly it felt like I was 15 years old again. I was reminded of the person I once used to be, the person... Continue Reading →
Take me with you.
Throughout my plentiful journeys I have found myself often looking to my right and left and realizing that I was by myself. I'm not heartless, of course, every now and then I would feel a small tug on my heartstrings but for the most part you will find me standing tall and proud. Taking in... Continue Reading →
I am an endless optimist with a small inkling for realism, a very small at best. A on the other hand is an eternal realist with the ability to see the greatest potential in any situation. So, when we went to a grocery store in the middle of nowhere up the coast somewhere in Australia... Continue Reading →
Breath of Fresh Air.
Air is life. We all know that. No air = no life, I think we can all agree on that. There is nothing like fresh air after a long hard day at work... I wish there were proper words to describe how fresh air smells, but the best I can come up with is rejuvenating.... Continue Reading →
So… Tell me about yourself.
I've been trying to get everything ready for our upcoming trip but sadly, my schedule does not allow me to take it easy, although my mind and my body definitely already are in happy-vacation-land, my calendar is not... In the last few weeks I've found myself in a few tough career decision situations and it... Continue Reading →
The concept of ghosting is the practice of ending a personal relationship with someone by suddenly and without explanation withdrawing from all communication (courtesy of Wikipedia). I've been ghosted on, more than once, let me tell you it's not pleasant. Ever. Being ghosted on leaves you doubting yourself, questioning your every move, wondering whether or... Continue Reading →
I love my life, I do. Every single ounce of discomfort and every inch of happiness, it all makes up for a pretty good recipe of my life. Like I stressed plenty of times before, I did not have a difficult life. I had to make some tough decisions here and there (let's say relatively... Continue Reading →
My Top 5 Life Changing Songs.
Music is the essence of life. The rhythm is like a heartbeat, the melody a fresh breath of air. Music changes everything. I've found myself in more than one sticky situation, where I relied on music to transport me to a completely different world, and it always works. Somehow music has this incredible power of... Continue Reading →
My imaginary home.
I have a 1 1/2 hour commute (one way) to work. I'm not complaining (yet), it hasn't started snowing (yet) and it's reasonably light outside, but 1 1/2 hours each way, that's 3 hours per day and 15 hours per week and roughly 60 hours per month (give or take, luckily this is a part-time... Continue Reading →
10 Tips on How to Survive Being a Student (of Everything)
Now that I am finally back to what may be described as passable human-like, I have a few words of wisdom on what to consider when considering higher education, i.e. should you really go down the path of senseless deadlines, night-long study sessions and no immediate gratification? (Spoiler alert, the answer is yes. ALWAYS, yes... Continue Reading →
The Silent World
As this is posted, I am currently in one of the most important presentations of my short life. I am defending my master's thesis in front of a committee, showing them that I have spent the last year of my life wisely, researching something that I care deeply about. I will most likely write a... Continue Reading →
Last week A and I traveled to Geneva, we had a long layover in Amsterdam. And when I say long, I actually mean long, 21 hours long. 21 hours are a long time to wait, especially in transit. But we did the smart thing: booked a hotel near the hotel and actually took the day... Continue Reading →
Never say no to dancing like no-one is watching.
I'm going to let you in on my two mantras, which really are words to live by: Dance like no-one is watching, and Never say no. I think everyone who spent a little time with me knows that I'm not shy of dancing, it's my form of expression. It's not that I'm such a good dancer... Continue Reading →
By my side.
I was 14 the first time I saw my grandma, I mean really saw the person that my late grandma was. It was at a tram station in the center of Vienna. She held my brother, who was about two years old on his hand and she was waiting at the station for me. I saw... Continue Reading →
Take a Detour
Last month I traveled to the US to (finally) start the next phase of my Master's thesis: data collection by conducting 1-hour long interviews with all sorts of people. What does this mean? In short, it means asking questions, and lots of them while also listening to elaborate answers. Sometimes you hear things you never... Continue Reading →
A house is not a home.
For all the aching souls in empty homes. A house is not a home. Your home exists, even if your house disappears. Filling your house with the laughter of loved ones, having dinner parties together, making fuzzy memories with the ones that make you eternally grateful to be alive. Those memories together, they make a house... Continue Reading →
Water and Sunshine.
Water. All life forms need water. There is no single organism that does not require water - at least on this planet. Of course, we humans are more complicated than that and need a million more things to live a fulfilled life. For me, however, the two things that I need in life are water and... Continue Reading →
The color of life.
When I first arrived back in Oslo, it seemed impossible to go back to my all to familiar school/work-routine that I carefully had created for myself. The first morning back at home, as I laid in my bed, the very bed that I had missed for so long, staring at the ceiling, noticing that there were... Continue Reading →
Houseboats, swimming pools and doctor’s orders
In the last 24 hours of my India trip I ate food from a street vendor, got caught in a sudden monsoon outburst and made some life-changing decisions. All in all I enjoyed life to the fullest and have absolutely no regrets. I've returned to Norway a week ago and have since then battled with... Continue Reading →